The simple Chopin model of love relationships

Here is the simple model of love relationships we formulated during that long talk in the Chopin airport. We did not explicitly use it when describing the relationship between Guts and Griffith but it certainly was at work. Insofar as love is lending itself to judgment and choice, the model can serve as a guide in our judgments and choices of love relationships.

The model is combining Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love with your intuition of what we can and cannot achieve at the same time in a relationship.

The model has two parts: the holy trinity and the unholy trinity: the holy trinity of components and the unholy trinity of ideals.

The holy trinity of components:
(the three components of a love relationship)
1. passion,
2. intimacy,
3. commitment.

Passion and commitment are easy to understand. Intimacy is a profound exchange of emotions, thoughts, gestures in Robert Sternberg’s words. Different kinds of love would comprise different combinations of these components. Romantic love is intimacy plus passion. Fatuous or foolish love by commitment and passion, and complete love by all three components.

The unholy trinity of ideals:
(the three ideals we crave for in a relationship)

1. intensity
2. long-term
3. evolution

Intensity involves a high degree of reciprocal expectations, getting and giving. Long term means being able to continue the relationship for a long time. Evolution stands for granting and being granted a significant degree freedom to experiment and change; granting and being granted space or room for evolution. The trinity is unholy because it is inconsistent. We can only have at most two out of three. For example intensity, which involves pressuring the other, is at odds with evolution.


~ by ionsterpan on October 29, 2013.

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